YOU ARE GETTING FAT
A snide remark or compliment?
More often than not, people are entitled to their opinions in different subject matters and because it is their opinion, it doesn’t necessarily make it factual.
I read a blog by Kimberly Fosu on Medium which she titled: The skinny girl has feelings too. I was amazed because some of her struggles reminded me of mine in my teenage and early adult phase.
'Osy, you're getting fat?' Who put them in charge of my affairs????
When I was a little girl, I was skinny with spinly legs, a tiny waist and a big head. I felt like the ugly duckling and my younger sister shone like the sun. She had some flesh on her bones and a beautiful face.
The more I grew into my teenage years, the worse it became. I was flat in the front and back, there was really no flesh; I was a sack of skin and bones.This made me feel awkward about myself. My cheeks were sunken; once, a lady told me to smile less because when I smiled, I looked awkward so I stopped smiling. When I stopped smiling, people said I frown a lot so I tried to smile again but anytime I smiled, I felt conflicted. The smile always looked fake.
When I was seventeen, a friend of mine adviced me to take apematine because she heard that it would make me eat and sleep a lot so I could add flesh to my skinny body. She wasn’t fat herself, she was just light-skinned and curvy, a beauty queen (married now with two daughters and her body size is still a comfortable size 10). I thought about it and I really wanted to do it but I realized that in my family women (judging from my mom and some aunts' on both sides of my family) after giving birth tend to gain weight.
I figured I would just let my body be so when I put to birth, I would flex my new body. Regardless, I still felt like a broomstick.
I ate a lot and slept a lot in my bid to put some flesh on the bones but nothing was working. I never drank the apematine but I was always drinking milk, eating fried eggs, taking junk and seeing no results. It got so bad that I thought boys wouldn’t like me. Some did, others didn’t (reality of life)!
I was dating a guy sometime in 2018 through 2021 and he hinted that he preferred chubby girls with ass. I tried my best to see to it that I had flesh so he would cherish me a lot more but the relationship still ended.
Fast forward to COVID-19 in 2020. That lockdown saw me add a few pounds. The years after, I saw considerable growth in my body.
However, I have added a lot and it appears I am now too big for some people. All those junks, sleep and whatever I had done to gain weight in the past has paid off now in my future.
The painful thing is, people are still wagging their tongues in my face and behind my back that I am now getting fat. Even my parents.
The struggle used to be that I wanted to gain weight, now that I have gained weight, I wish to lose a considerable amount of flesh.
Sometimes, I don't want to lose the fatty tissue in my ass but I would gladly extract the one in my boobs. I basically want to spot reduce fat in my stomach and boobs but I can't. It is impossible except it is done surgically and I will never go under a knife except it is a major operation for things beyond my control.
Inasmuch as I am tired of the weight, I appreciate it sometimes. When I was skinny, I didn't realize I did not love myself but now, I realize I love myself even though I would still love to lose weight in some parts of my body and keep the other part.
I know it can be tough to accept one's self but now, I am becoming a pro at that (even though I still complain about it hence the article) but I realized that no one can love me except I choose to love and accept myself before they can see my value.
I still fear I might add some more when I start birthing my children but from now on, I can only control what I can and try to eat healthy (even though I still love junk) so when I am old, I won’t be stuck with health issues.
I hope you accept yourself no matter what kind of body you have and be healthy.
Thanks for reading… 🥰🌹
