WHEN I FINALLY HAVE CHILDREN
When I finally have children, I want to listen to and create a connection with them.
Sometimes, some parents tend to somehow neglect the emotional needs of their child by focusing on providing basic necessities such as shelter, food, clothes, warmth and education without realizing they are only REARING children.
I said rearing, yes I wasn’t mistaken.
When farmers rear cattles, they rear them by providing shelter, food and tending to the health of their cattle so that the said cattle can produce diary and/or end up as beef.
This is exactly what some parents do and in due time, they never get to really bond with their children, rather they just live with them until the child(ren) leave the house to start their own lives.
I am one of those reared children.
When I was born, I was really loved by my parents and I was very fond of my daddy. I was told that I usually sat at the front of the house by 6 or 7pm awaiting his return from work. Whenever he returned, I would shout joyfully, "My yaddy, my yaddy!" and he would pick me up fondly, spin me around and give me caprison or ribenna.
He was also the only one that could feed me. If he wasn’t feeding me, I would not eat. Sometimes, he had to threaten me with a belt or actually flog me with the belt so I could eat. I was such a picky eater. He was my daddy, my hero, my old man.
Thus was our relationship until my teenage years.
Once, I tried to commit suicide in the all girls boarding school I attended. I was at the time, in Junior Secondary Two (JSS 2) and I was eleven (11) years old. Truth is, I was triggered.
It so happened that one cold night during our Prep time (compulsory study hours from 7pm through 9pm), I was sitted in between my two friends and I noticed one of them was really cold. I had on a full pyjama under my white and blue cotton robe and I wasn’t cold so I decided to be my brother’s keeper. I pulled off the robe and draped it over her to keep her warm. However, the other girl became quite envious and she even had on a woolen sweatshirt. In order to create a balance, my youngself pulled off the pyjama jacket and gave it to her. I was left with only my white singlet and purple pyjama trouser.
Stupid child. I was cold but I was alright since I was sitted in between their midst and their bodies were warm. Anyways, the warmth didn’t last long, they started quarreling over something I cannot remember.
I began to have flashbacks of the fights my parents used to have and I had a Panic attack. I took permission from the prefect in our hall with claims of going to use the toilet. I ran behind a couple of classroom blocks to a secluded area where I attempted to stab myself with a fork but was stopped by a gasp.
It was one of those my friends that made the noise. I turned to find both of them and a senior behind me as I was about to stab myself.
I was reported to my Dorm Matron and my parents were invited to the school the next day.
My parents were briefed about the incident. My father was in a black suit while my mother was casually dressed in a jean skirt and floral blouse. My father’s face mirrored an angry bird. He didn’t even wait to hear my side of the story. He gave me a sound slap that made me pee on myself. I was so scared and I was wishing I had really just died.
Anyways, the school granted me a weekend exeat so I could go home.
On the way home my father did not say a word to me. Even when we got home, he ignored me like I was some parasite of sorts.
Thank God for some mothers. My mom actually listened to me and asked me questions. I tried to tell her how I felt and though I wasn’t making sense, she seemed to understand me.
The next day, which was a Sunday, my parents took me to church for deliverance. My father believed that I was either possessed or mentally unstable so he believed that God would intervene. I was somehow delivered, cheesy.
Till date, he didn’t talk about the incident with me, thus was the incident swept under the rug forever.
He hasn’t changed much, if anything, he is more set in his ways. I fear for my younger siblings because it is not easy for them to cope often but they will have to manage for a while until they leave the bird’s nest.
Parents, do not just focus on providing your child’s basic necessities, instead let them see you and your home as a fortress they can run to when the world is cold to them. Let them see you as friends they can communicate with. In your old age, that is when you get to reap the fruits of your labour, that is when you need your children more. You will not always be young.
Learn to love, listen and communicate with your children, charity begins at home...
