Introspection: A bitter Pill To Swallow.
Can you gain happiness through self-care (introspection)?
I think the reason I watch movies a lot is because I can't close my eyes and look at myself, like truly see myself. This is me not willing to acknowledge myself as flawed so I keep on seeking for ways to distract myself and one simple way is drowning myself in episodes and episodes of interesting k-dramas and other distractions.
I know what it feels like to soak myself in silence but the image I see when my eyes are closed and when I keep the world out to look within scares me. I see myself as wonderful yet very flawed with imperfections, but the worse of all is an ‘I could have done better' syndrome that eats me.
When I close my eyes, I think of things I have done before and I think of ways I could have avoided some problems I encountered or how I could have handled some matters differently. These regrets are like worms that eat away from my soul.
But what good is it crying over spilt milk, eh?
It doesn't fix what is broken but I am glad I can acknowledge my own flaws in the process. I don't like looking within, but when I do, I am sometimes grateful because I get to break that painful snare even if it's one fragment at a time.
Low self-esteem and lack of self-compassion
I recently started reading a book and it made me realize that I ought to treat myself like a mother who when her child is down, comforts the child by telling the child not to worry and that they’re doing great. This book showed me a glimpse of what it means to be self-compassionate because even if it’s true nobody is coming to save you, you have to save yourself and in the process, be kind to yourself.
Let me not deceive you that it's going to be easy but I can assure you that it is rewarding since we live in a world where many battle low self-esteem which often leads to depression and/or indifference.
You have to realize that you are the star in your own story and that the sky is wide enough to accommodate many stars. So if you are feeling ansty or incomplete, look within because in it lies a strategy to do and feel better.
Damn, I sound like a motivational speaker right now but I am not. I wrote this to talk about how I distract myself by drowning myself in fantasies but the goal is for you to see yourself by watching your thoughts.
Let me give you a glimpse of one of the chapters from the book I am reading.
“CBT practitioners then have devised various methods that you can use to combat these problems. One of the most commonly used of these is actually borrowed from meditation and is known as ‘mindfulness’. Here patients are instructed to find a quiet place and to sit down with their eyes closed. Much like in meditation they are then instructed to reflect on their inner thoughts.
This doesn’t mean that they should attempt to clear their minds however, instead they are instructed to merely ‘watch’ thoughts as they pass by without engaging in them, merely observing the content of their brains as they might watch clouds passing in the sky. This way they can identify the kinds of things they arethinking and in particular any destructive thoughts they might be having.”
If you are interested in reading, the name is ‘Happiness through Self-care' and you can get it for yourself too. I just might write a review when I am done reading by Friday.
