I DID IT FOR ME
Everybody has a different story but know this, Hurt people hurt other people and to those who have been hurt, I’m sorry and to those who have been hurt, please forgive.
John stood in front of the door, his hands on the doorknob while his heart was racing like a jet. He withdrew his hand from the doorknob and was about to turn away when the door opened. For a brief moment, both of their eyes locked together before John cleared his throat and mustered the courage to speak.
“I’m sorry…” both of them said simultaneously.
Sheyanne’s eyes wavered as she looked at her shoes while John just stared at the wrinkles on her face and he marveled at how age could extenuate a person’s beauty. Her eyes were still grey but it was marked by a cataract on the left.
“I never thought I’d see you again. I was just surprised that I opened my door and you were standing there, hence my apology. I didn’t mean to startle you,” she said in a hoarse voice.
John managed a smile and she coughed strongly, causing her body to quake. John didn’t make a move to comfort her, instead, he just watched.
“You wanna come in?” she asked as she opened the door wider and a black cat sprang to her feet and nuzzled it’s head on her ankles.
“No,” John said and an awkward silence ensued.
“It’s cold outside. The rains are gonna beat down soon,” she persuaded but John didn’t budge.
He patted his coat and managed a smile despite himself.
“You grew up to be a very fine and cultured young man. I'm so happy to see you,” Sheyanne said and her cat hurried back into the house.
John gathered his thoughts and decided it was best to speak.
“I just wanted to tell you that I forgive you Sheyanne. Not because you deserve it but because forgiving you is releasing myself. I just wanted to say it to your face. Will I forget the way you used to molest me in school and drag me countless times to a corner to rape me? I doubt it but I can very much forgive myself and forgive you so I can be happy,” John said, tears welling up in his eyes but he cleared his throat and continued.
“All those days when you would lie to my mom that I had detention just to exploit me and how it affected my self esteem. It broke me but you won’t care. You didn’t care. It’s even more painful that you only apologized because you felt you startled me at your doorstep. Inviting me into your house reminds me of those days. But I forgive you because I choose my happiness and in due time, I’ll totally forgive you.”
Sheyanne looked at him as he spoke and a tear rolled down her eyes. She had been looking for him to apologize especially when she learnt she had cancer. Her heart broke as he spoke but the only thing she could say was, “I'm so sorry John. I'm sorry.”
They both cried as the memories played like a tape in their heads. Sheyanne wept for the misery she had caused him while John wept from mixed feelings.
“I'm grateful, you… you chose to forgive me. Thank you.”
“I did it for me,” John sniffed, cleaned his eyes and with a head held high, walked away as the rain began drizzling.
However, he would never know why Sheyanne did what she did but she knew it happened because her grand daddy raped her one night when her mom was battling cancer.
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