DOES LOVE COST A THING?
Fiction
I stood by the kitchen sink with soap sods lining my hands and a couple of unwashed plates sitting on the sink. The stench of the kitchen made me want to retch. The windows were open and I had sprayed some air freshener but it didn’t do much to help.
"Utibe, how long will you stand there? We need to hurry, grandma is on her way."
Emeka's voice sounded like tires screeching on gravel. Sometimes I loved him, other times, I ignored the urge to yell at him. I wasn't the one that filled the sink with unwashed plates because I was barely home due to my nursing job but he had the effontry to call me out like that? Mtcheww.
I continued washing the plates and shortly after, I was rinsing before placing each face down on the big green basket to dry. I swept the kitchen, gathered the dirt in a dustpan before emptying it in the waste bin. I took out the big black cellophane that lined the waste bin and tied it before placing it at the kitchen balcony that housed the generator. The awful stench in the kitchen had dissipated. I sprayed more air freshener in the kitchen before going to arrange the beds in the rooms.
It had been two years since we married but there was no child and his grandma's visit was always a hassle for me because she kept asking me about grandchildren like I was God.
I have been pregnant three times before I dated Emeka for four years. Not once in that four years had he ever scored any goal. I suggested we go for a medical check up -I had already done mine twice to know my fertility status and the doctors confirmed that I was fine- but Emeka always refused.
"Are you done with the house now?" Emeka asked as I walked into the living room with a napkin to dust the furniture.
"I just need to dust this place," I said rolling my eyes.
"You need to make it quick. They are already in the street. Pius will be coming as well. I had no idea the boy would be staying too. Do not be offended," Emeka sounded tired but if we were being honest, he hadn’t done anything except take out the trash, make phone calls and put on the generator.
"Who am I to be offended? I am just finding out that Pius is coming, that your loud mouth cousin whose only motto in life is to eat. Your grandma will come here now and start asking me why I haven’t given birth and you will stand there looking like crayfish. Me, I will collect all the blames and hostility", I paused to catch my breath, turning around to face Emeka squarely, "Na me go still drink different concoctions and rubbish. It’s still me that has to be a perfect wife for you people. Why should I be offended? I don’t have the right. I am the one that cannot bear children."
Emeka looked at me nonchalantly and walked out of the house. That was what he was good at, running like the world was pursuing him. He knew about my previous relationship and the fact that I had had an abortion, I didn't tell him the whole truth because it wasn't his business, but Emeka is so secretive and never really talks.
I was done dusting the furniture when the door opened, grandma entered the living room with her handbag and a headscarf accompanied by Pius who was carrying three duffel bags. I cringed because the stay would be long. Emeka walked in behind them, locking the door with the key.
"Good afternoon mama, how was your journey?" I asked trying to sound polite.
Grandma looked at me through her lens, as if weighing me on every scale. She looked around the house and nodded in approval. Emeka looked at me briefly before leading Pius to the guestroom to drop off the luggage.
"What will you eat ma? There's rice and stew and there's also ofe onugbu and fufu. I could get you water first to wash your hands…"
"Why will I want to eat your food? Ehn, Calabar girl, why? Is there anything good about that womb of yours? Can’t I just admire my grandson’s house? Can I not have peace here? After you have finished eating your womb in the coven, you want to play holy? My prophet told me, I know everything. Ogbanje spirit. Marine powers, you are leaving this house today!" Grandma shouted with finality.
Tears lined the corners of my eyes as I looked at her face. The thin woman smelt of palm kennel oil but her eyes were laced with hatred. I sniffed back a tear. I turned to find Emeka staring at the ceiling as he combed his hand through his carpet-grass hair while Pius held back a smile.
"Emeka, will you not say anything?" I asked as tears gushed out of my eyes. He was supposed to have my back but his eyes kept avoiding mine, "Emeka?"
"Mama Nnukwu, please let my wife stay. She's a good woman and children will come," Emeka looked like a four year old begging for a toy he felt obligated to keep but he couldn't look at his grandma, his eyes were fixated on the floor.
What kind of man did I marry? He was never like this when we dated, how did I end up with this simp who could not protect me from his family? Where did I go wrong in choosing this one?
"Go and pack your load and leave, nwa Calabar, there is no space here for you," grandma's words severed my heart but Emeka's helplessness cut me the most.
I nodded my head as my legs led me to our bedroom. I flung open the wardrobe and dragged out my box, stuffing clothes into one part and shoes into the other.
Emeka walked in and perched by the door. His demeanor was appalling and I ignored him.
"You shouldn’t go. Mama Nnukwu is like that. You should be used to it by now. My family doesn’t matter, it’s what we have that matters, babe. Don’t be offended my darling," Emeka came close to touch me but I slapped his hands off as fat tears rolled down my cheeks.
"Close the door, Emeka. We really need to talk," I said amidst tears.
Emeka went shut the door before sitting on the bed. His eyes burrowed into my face as I sat beside him, "I don’t think we should remain married. I cannot take this anymore. You keep hiding things and staying secretive while your grandma makes my life a living hell. Does she not have a husband? Why is she always visiting every two months? My own mother doesn’t pressure me like this."
Emeka fondled with his hands like a toddler. In all the years I dated him, he wasn't like this, "What are you saying Utibe?"
"I am done," a slight remorse appeared in his eyes but they vanished as soon as they appeared, "I cannot be with a man who cannot show his family their boundaries. I cannot be with a man who cannot protect me when he knows I am helping him cover his shame,” Emeka’s eyes looked at mine for the first time since he walked into the room, "Yes, your shame. You are impotent. I know."
Emeka breathed in shakily as his brain registered what I said. His eyes shimmered with tears, "When did you find out?"
"A year now. I went for a fertility test in two different hospitals and the doctors said I was in perfect condition to have children but I was told to bring you for medical check up and each time, you brushed the topic aside. I kept enduring your grandma’s nonsense but you just kept sitting there like ice water,” I looked into his eyes as I took his hands in mine.
“I want to have children with a man that can be a father, a man that can protect us not just provide, a man who will value us and be our strong pillar. I cannot continue to suffer for what I am not responsible for. Fix yourself, hopefully, the new woman will be nice to you. I know your grandma has been planning to give you a new wife."
Emeka burst into tears as I stood up and hurriedly packed the rest of my things into a ghana-must-go before calling an Uber.
"Stay with me, please!" Emeka pleaded holding my bag.
His teary eyes made me pity him but my feelings for him were now fickle. I would start a new life in Calabar or Lagos and leave him to enjoy Asaba with his scrawny grandmother.
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